Lost Eyes
November 1, 2025
After losing my glasses, everything looked blurry. Because I couldn’t stare at things with focus, I felt helpless and unable to calm down to do anything.
Watching everything start to drift into voidness, this blurriness is not a simple visual defect; it feels more like a metaphysical hint. The brain controls the body, and instinctively starts doing things that go against my heart, throwing itself into the things it can see clearly.
Sometimes I wonder, I only lost the ability of one eye to distinguish things clearly, so why has the other one started to become lazy too?
I always forget my nearsightedness. Monocular myopia makes the warning of one eye having less than 0.1 vision always forgotten by the brain, because my brain can still see things. It would rather deceive itself, holding the signals from the “good” eye as the golden rule, thereby forgetting that I am a person who needs to wear glasses, making me always realize I live in a reality of successful camouflage woven by my brain.
Only when my other eye also became blurry with academic pressure did my brain thoroughly remember that I am nearsighted. I need to wear glasses for a lifetime, letting perception constantly remind me of the glasses’ existence, reminding me that they are an indispensable item in my life.
When I take off my glasses, it usually means I need to rest; this has essentially formed a conditioned reflex. The need to take off glasses usually comes at the moment I lie down and feel uncomfortable; only then do I remember I am wearing them. After taking them off, the only clear thing is the screen in front of me. Even with the aid of night blindness, once the lights are off, the only thing I can truly see clearly is the glowing screen.
Time and again, when I cannot see anything clearly, I instinctively feel a panic. Perception is the anchor of existence, and existence is the foundation of cognition. Losing the certainty of existence, a human instinctively feels like a young child abandoned in the wilderness.
Then the brain instinctively relies on what is clear and perceptible. This reliance is blind, a kind of cognitive phototaxis. It disregards all consequences, goes against the body’s true will; the brain takes charge of everything, solely to grasp that momentary certainty.
Thus, this invites another bout of insomnia under blue light. In this insomnia, communicating with this only visible false world again and again, forgetting time again and again, and damaging that only remaining, clear-seeing eye again and again.
I always forget to observe the severity of my monocular myopia, because people always assume they gather information about the world through complete, symmetrical eyes.
But people have a dominant eye. They often take the information gathered by the clear-seeing eye as the entirety of the world and direction.
When not wearing glasses, my world remains clear, so I believe the world is this clear in my eyes, and my eyes are also this clear. Thus, an absurd logical chain is formed, proving that my world IS this clear, that I have no problems. It ignores the eye that truly acts as the dominant one, letting it transmit blurry visual signals again and again, which are then blocked by the brain.
It is common for both eyes to have varying degrees of myopia, yet “monocular myopia” is not quite common. One eye being 5.0 (20/20) and the other 4.0 is even less common.
Sometimes I treat it as a congenital defect gifted by genes, but I also always fail to see the loss of vision acquired later.
Perhaps only at this moment when the glasses vanish, when the scam colluded by the dominant eye and the brain fails simultaneously, does the brain remind me once again: I really have lost my eyes, lost all reliance for seeing clearly, leaving me in panic with only the clarity of sudden realization and bewilderment in my heart.
But it’s okay, I only lost one eye.